APRIL FOOLS!- Cream Cheese Shortage in North America!

It’s been 4 weeks since a new shipment of cream cheese has arrived at Grocery Outlet store #218742 in Stockton, California. University of the Pacific students are feeling the pain of being cream cheese-less. Students and faculty members have taken to listening to sad Adele songs on the DUC lawn while they draw pictures of bagels on the sidewalk in chalk. One anonymous Pacifican claims that “...some of these drawings are not in sidewalk chalk, they are in spray paint. Good luck removing them. I wish I had cream cheese.” This claim has yet to be substantiated with evidence but 24 cans of orange spray paint were recently found in a recycling bin. PSA: only put recycling in the recycling bins, don’t put trash in. Grocery Outlet has yet to respond to our fervent messages begging for cream cheese but others have stepped up. The local collegiate catering source “Enjoy your meal” has stated that “butter is a great substitute for cream cheese on bagels. Students should have no problem buying butter at $17 per stick with their exorbitantly large meal plans.” It is unknown why this cream cheese shortage has happened but some have speculated that it is due to a rapid increase in the popularity of potato salad. The author wishes it to be made clear that they have yet to find a potato salad recipe that actually contains cream cheese. Please contact 18000ineedcreamcheese@gmail.com if you find one.